In My Room, from Assassins (Day 34)

Performed live in my room – in my living room, that is – on January 31, a song written for my 1979 musical Assassins. (Previous songs from that musical in Project 194 are Hashish Fantasy and I’m A Show.) This is the song of a sensitive introvert, not really well suited for the character who sang it in Assassins, and so I used it again in my next musical, Better and Better, where I put it in the mouth of a more appropriate character.

I sort of hold the world together in my room.
I seem to make it all cohere,
At least I try.
The contradictions don’t constrict me in the gloom,
And darkness makes things seem,
Not indistinct, but clear.
When things get too ironic,
And I’m too aware to bear,
My tidy suite is my retreat.
I’m sure to meet someone I like in there.
And if the world is hostile, and I need a place to hide,
There’s bound to be a little piece of peace of mind
Inside my room.

Sometimes it’s hard to shake the feeling of falling.
The edge is appallingly near
As days and dreams and dollars disappear.
It must be part of what it means to be human.
I carry my doom in my head,
A nameless, faceless dread:
We’re held together by the merest thread.

Sometimes I need to go inside and close the door.
It’s calmer when the outside world
Remains outside.
It fills my mind with memories I can’t endure.
It always sends me looking for
A place to hide.
In here, the air is musty,
But at least it smells like me.
The corners may be dusty,
But it’s just that they’ve been undisturbed, you see.
And if I lose myself while in pursuit of something I can’t find,
There’s bound to be a little piece of peace of mind
Inside my room.

My introvert side has always been an important side of my personality. That doesn’t mean I’m antisocial, or that I always want to be alone. I love the social things that I do too – the classes, the rehearsals, the meetings. But, for me, that private “me time” has always been important to my well-being. Indeed, it’s the place where the art gets made. That’s why I recognize that this lyric is poignantly autobiographical, and the intimacy of the music supports that quality. If you like it and think you’d like to sing it, let me know; I have a very nice engraved edition of the sheet music I just made in Finale (since the 1979 manuscript was faded illegible pencil scratchings), and I’d be happy to send it to you!

If you missed them, these are the songs already posted on Project 194. Want to receive daily songs delivered direct to your inbox? Sign up here!

One thought on “In My Room, from Assassins (Day 34)

  1. Pingback: Just Known, from Leading Lady (Day 33) | Notes from a SAVI Savant

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