Fuzzy Logic, from Realities (Day 167)

This is the song that got playwright Steve Hochman and me invited to a conference of artificial intelligence specialists – one of the more surreal experiences I’ve had! I love the concept of “fuzzy logic,” and it seemed especially delightful to have a computer sing about its dangers. And a chorus of dancing microchips? Like something out of Alwin Nikolais? It would be to die for! Claudia Carlsson delivers the goods on this one.

Alice: At your request I’ve studied her
And analyzed her circuits,
But though I’ve done the work, it’s
Hard to say.

I can’t construct a model
Of a system in disorder.
My data banks record her
In this way:

What is this woman?
A mass of contradictions
And inconsistent fictions
No reason, no rhyme
What is this woman?
A binary malfunction
A crazy chip
Both flop and flip
At the very same time

Sometimes she’s tender
She’s sweet and sentimental
Caring, warm and gentle
All feathers and fluff
She wants to surrender
She wants a man to guide her
But someone else inside her
Just wants to play rough!

She wants control
She wants to command
She wants to have the upper hand
She wants to be independent
Wild and free
Trust me, Alex
I know that she wants it all
She wants it now
She wants to be yin and yang somehow
By turns, she is
Fire and ice
Soft and hard
Careful, Alex
Don’t drop your guard

Fuzzy logic
Spreads like a virus through your system,
Corrupting your data,
It wrecks you in ways you can’t explain.
Fuzzy logic
Will leave you incapable of reason
Once you let a woman
Hack into your brain.

Chorus of Micro-chips: Inside any woman
There are two people.
They’re hard to figure, hard to please
A range of changing polarities

Inside any woman
There are two people
Conflicting signals and mixed desires
Scrambled circuits and tangled wires.

Alice: Who needs a woman?
You want a virtual creation,
A perfect fabrication,
The most sublime of things.

I’ll be your woman,
Your fantasy’s projection
Without the imperfection
That fuzzy logic brings.

Fuzzy logic
Spreads like a virus through your system
Corrupting your data
It wrecks you in ways you can’t explain
Fuzzy logic
Will leave you incapable of reason
Once you let a woman
Hack into your brain!

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