I can’t talk about Gemini the Musical and not mention the amazing Linda Hart, the actress who immortalized the song “Miss Baltimore Crabs” in the musical Hairspray. Linda appeared as Bunny in a revival of the play Gemini in 1999, and when we realized she could sing, we quickly sought her out for Gemini the Musical at the Prince. Audiences were captivated by Linda’s portrayal of Bunny Weinberger, whose foul-mouthed antics (utterly true-to-life for a South Philly broad of her generation) are on conspicuous display in the following number. Linda liked the show enough to agree to play the role again when Gemini was presented at NYMF in 2007. She was gracious and utterly committed despite performance conditions that were — well, far less than what she experienced on Broadway, or even at the Prince. I owe her an enormous debt of gratitude for her faith in this project and her efforts to stir the interest of her circle of New York acquaintances.
The situation: Bunny has been summoned to appear in court, where a neighbor, Mary O’Donnell, has accused her of assault. Earlier in Act One (at the end of The Hunk With The Funk), we see her leave for court, decked out in a flashy outfit and full of nervous bravado. Now, she bursts in with the news that she’s won the case.
Break out the horse piss!
Victory is sweet!
I’m feeling like a fuckin’ young filly in heat!
Jesus Christ in heaven, I won.
You shoulda seen me in that courtroom,
You shoulda seen the things I done.
I told them all about it
I pointed at that witch
And told them how she threw herself on top of me
(spoken) I coulda been ruptured for life!
(singing) But Jesus Christ in heaven, I won!
I gave that judge an eyeful
His eyes was buggin’ out,
Believe me, hon.
(spoken) I used my secret weapon…
I don’t need that killer weed!
I was born floatin’, yes indeed.
Winning is fantastic, it’s a natural high.
Come dance with me, kid,
I’ll take you up to the sky.
Watch me strut!
Bunny’s gotta strut!
Gotta shake my boobies,
Gotta wiggle my butt!
Honey, watch me strut!
And if you don’t like it
Keep your big mouth shut!
(spoken) Fuck you, world! Fuck you, Mary O’Donnell! Fuck you, Sam the Jew! Fuck you, catholic church! Fuck you, mom! I won!
Do you remember when I was in that fuckin’ play,
Down at the Gruen Recreation Center back in the day?
I played Sadie Thompson
With my hair real long.
(spoken) — it was real thick and blond, not dyed shit yellow like it is now. I got hair like hepatitis now! But fuck it, i still got what counts.
(singing) Watch me strut, honey!
Bunny’s gotta strut!
Gotta shake my boobies!
(to Randy) Feel ’em, honey, feel these grapes of mine!
Honey, watch me strut
There may be something better
But i don’t know what!
Watch me fly
Honey, watch me sail!
Gotta flap my wings,
I gotta shake my tail.
Honey hear me wail!
There’s no way they’ll ever
Put this girl in jail!
It makes me crazy,
It makes me act like a nut!
Cuz I won, I won, I won, I won!
Check out my victory strut!!