The Proper Atty-Tood, from Gemini the Musical (Day 190)

This recording is a Project 194 exclusive, featuring the South Philly vocal stylings of the Speech Diva herself! I wrote this song for Gemini the Musical and it survived the first reading before getting cut. Later, D’Arcy used it in her show, “Just One Step: Songs From The Edge.” Pay attention, yo, this song has good advice for yiz!

Listen, honey,
Take a tip from Bunny:
Sooner or later, you’re gonna get screwed.
There’s friends who’ll hurt you
And husbands who’ll desert you
And certain sons of bitches who deserve to be sued.
You can’t deny such assholes exist,
But you mustn’t let it make you get your knickers in a twist.

No, you can’t let the bastards get you down.
Just hold up your chin
And show the world a grin.
Don’t get upset,
You mustn’t let the bastards make you frown!
No one will fuck wit’ yiz
If you got the proper atty-tood.

Listen, buddy,
Life gets pretty bloody
When stupid cunts pull stupid stunts…
[Or, if you object to the C-word, “stupid pricks pull stupid tricks”]
(Excuse me, that was crude.)
No, life ain’t pretty,
But don’t go feelin’ shitty.
Remember, there are days when even Schmitty gets booed!
(Iron Mike Schmidt? The greatest Phillie ever?)
Those boo-birds never bothered Michael Jack.
You gotta keep your pecker up
When things is looking black.

Come one, Lucille, let us sisters sing!

No, you can’t let the bastards get you down.
Just hold up your chin
And show the world a grin.
Don’t get upset,
You mustn’t let the bastards make you frown!
No one will fuck wit’ yiz
If you got the proper atty-tood.
Hon, this ain’t no platitude.
Hear these words with gratitude.
No one will fuck wit’ yiz
If you got the proper atty-tood.

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