Project 194, Day 4: The Hunk With The Funk

The show: Gemini, the Musical. The year: 2004, on the stage of the (can it be true?) now-defunct Prince Music Theater. The singers: Jeremiah Downes, Barry James, Jillian Louis, Linda Hart and Todd Buonapane. The orchestration is by Lars Halle, the conductor is Eric Ebbenga. Favorite lyric: “I funk, therefore I am!”

The Hunk With The Funk

RANDY
I’m tired of being skinny.
I’m tired of looking frail.
I want a better body,
More muscular and male.
I’m tired of getting sniggers
When I walk into the gym.
I want the other guys to shout,
“Sweet Jesus, look at him!”
I’m tired of looking like some kind of skinny punk
When people see me coming
They’ll say, “Here comes the hunk who’s got the funk.”

I need to do some pushups
And work out with the bag.
These scrawny chicken wings of mine
Are totally a drag.
I got to find a swimming pool
And swim a thousand laps
So when the ladies see my buff physique
They’ll shriek and then collapse!
I’m tired of looking like some kind of skinny punk
When ladies see me coming
They’ll say, Here comes the hunk who’s got the funk!

And when I flex
My brand new pecs
The chicks will rave
And crave my sex!
They’ll feast their eyes
Upon my mighty thighs,
And when they glance
Inside my pants
They won’t believe my size!

FRANCIS AND JUDITH
My/your brother’s crazy!
He’ll never be the hunk who’s got the funk!
What’s he talking ’bout?

JUDITH
Ignore him, Francis,
He’ll never be the hunk who’s got the funk!

My brother is deluded
Girls go for brains not brawn.
It’s not a person’s body,
But his soul that turns me on.
It’s Kierkegaard who rocks me hard
That Dane knew how to jam.
And don’t forget Rene Descartes–

ALL
“I funk, therefore I am!”

JUDITH
I’m tired of getting hit on by some sweaty Harvard punk
Who struts around like James Brown
And pretends that he’s the hunk who’s got the funk.

BUNNY
Look at your skin,
Look at your eyes
There ain’t nobody ’round here like you, honey
Woah! Like a fuckin’ white sheik!
Funky baby, funky baby, come to mama, do!

RANDY
Check out these abs,
Like slabs of steel!
Do you want to feel ‘em?
They’re really, really real.

BUNNY
Check out his bod!
He’s like a god!
I’m keepin’ my hands off,
Or they’ll be calling out the vice squad.

FRANCIS AND JUDITH
Those two are crazy!
He’ll never be the hunk who’s got the funk.

BUNNY
Forget that fucking junk!
Believe me, honey…

RANDY
I’ll be the hunk,

FRANCIS/JUDITH/HERSCHEL
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God…
What are they doing?

BUNNY
You are the hunk,

RANDY
I’ll be the hunk,

BUNNY
You are the hunk,

RANDY
I’ll be the hunk…

JUDITH
You’ll be the hunk-a-hunk-a-hunk-ahooo!

ALL
The hunk who’s got the funk!

The Prince brought Albert Innaurato and me together to adapt his play Gemini into a musical. I loved the play, I loved South Philly (the setting of the play, and my home), and I was psyched to be commissioned by the theater responsible for the most exciting new musical theater Philly had seen in the past twenty years. It was a great experience, and I can’t say enough to express my gratitude to Marjorie Samoff and Doug Wager for their support during the process.

Albert and I worked on the project over the course of five years, with productions at the Prince (2004) and the New York Musical Theater Festival (NYMF, 2007). During that five-year period, we also took a stab at adapting Alan Lightman’s Einstein’s Dreams as an experimental music theater piece, with Whit MacLaughlin directing.

It was a terribly exciting period in my life, with plenty of drama both on and off stage. This track captures the feelings I treasure from that experience – the exuberance, the excellence, the eccentric humor. It is, literally, a blast from the past. Have a blast listening to it!

Want to receive daily songs delivered direct to your inbox? Subscribe here!

One thought on “Project 194, Day 4: The Hunk With The Funk

  1. Pingback: Strut Bunny Strut, from Gemini the Musical (Day 179) | Notes from a SAVI Savant

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *